Project imperfectly Perfect
Went from running the pursuit of perfection to building a project imperfectly perfect
For years I feel like I’ve been building the perfect prototype of myself for everyone else.
I’ve been afraid to be that little girl who was once upon a time never scared of anything
This time, I’m older now
Semi-wiser and afraid of everything
Years after years of me doubting myself
I feel like I should finally start trusting myself and my gut feelings.
That tiny voice in our head that I believe is God telling us what is right for our person.
I remember hearing it when I was a bit younger and throughout my teens
I ignored it and naturally thought going with the flow was easier and would help me fit in.
Unlearning those bad habits and embracing my true self is way harder than most would think.
It means :
Speaking with fluidity and integrity of self
Ignoring what others want from you and doing what you want
Saying “No” even when it gets tough or hard
Not pleasing everyone but pleasing yourself
Respecting your boundaries and showing others how to
Dismissing yourself from places and people that don’t deserve you
Learning to love yourself for entirely who you are.
We are in the moment where being imperfect is exactly what’s meant for us
Unapologetically accepting who you are and not giving a rat’s ass about what or who doesn’t like it.
Which often times is easier said than done.
I’ve been learning that my true self isn’t always what’s the most popular thing.
Sometimes I like boots over heels and that’s okay.
Sometimes I want to lay in my bed all day and watch romance movies and cry for absolutely no reason
Which I am learning that’s okay too
The most sublime thing about life is learning who you are and embracing yourself for it.
I wrote a poem a long time ago called the ‘pursuit of perfection’
A poem that at the time, called me out on everything that I was and I didn’t realize what i was doing to myself.
Running a race to become the most perfect person… whatever that means.
I made myself so unhappy without even realizing it.
I spent years not embracing the person that I was, but instead, trying to be the version of myself. I thought that was perfect for others.
At a certain point I couldn’t even differentiate that person with myself
Being a people pleaser and not asserting your boundaries is top two worst things in your lifetime
Because at that point, people don’t really understand who you are
You’re honestly not giving people a fair shot I getting to know you either.
I learned that the hard way.
Trying to rebuild myself after years of the perfect perfection project as I like to call it is extremely difficult.
Unlearning those bad habits and trying to create new ones where I’m comfortable in my voice is hard.
If anybody said it’s easy, they’re lying to you
Old habits, die slow
Even slower than you may want them to.
We’re all in this life to learn and continue to elevate our ourselves.
We cannot elevate and grow if we continue to stick to what feels familiar and comfortable.
On this small episode of my crazy life
I’ve been teaching myself that who I am is okay; even if it’s not what other people think.
I’ve always hated being so different
Now I’m starting to appreciate the ways that I am.
It’s taking me such a long time to understand the true meaning of individuality and why it’s so special.
Each of us on this earth has been created uniquely different.
Life experiences shape us and also create different versions of ourselves.
Habits form that we may like or dislike.
But in the end, we are still human.
We are still us.
Often times I feel like an alien
I’m learning to love myself; every extra terrestrial way that I can.
Instead of smothering, the person that I am and shoving her deep down inside of me; I’m learning to allow her to shine bright like a diamond.
Rather than me continuing to work on this project of perfection that I think is what everybody desires from me, I’m starting to really reshape exactly who I am.
All of the beautifully imperfect perfect versions of it.
Happy Soft Sunday!
